the rainbow

Languist are smartest people on earth, I must say. Because they can invent new words and told people what the word means. They are  well-trusted. If not, how can we use their words daily?

Look at the word, "History", "Independency".

A word "History", according to Webster Dictionary, is "A systematic, *written account of events*, particularly of those affecting a nation, institution, science, or art, and usually connected with a philosophical explanation of their causes; *a true story*, as distinguished from a romance; - distinguished also from annals, which relate simply the facts and events of each year, *in strict chronological order*; from biography, which is the record of an individual's life; and from memoir, which is *history composed from personal experience, observation, and memory.*

Now, check on "Independency".

Still according to Webster, word "Independency" means *freedom from control* or influence of another or others.

So, what is interesting here?

Two words above are the "controversial" words I can imagine. The public secret reveals "history" is always to be "his-story", and "Independecy" is always to be "In-The-Pendency". The later case is happened for developing countries such as Indonesia... well, I am afraid to make a conclusion/generalization that "In-The-Pendency" also occurs in developed countries -even I believe that developed countries are also "in-the-pendency" with developing countries where they earn their money and wealth, and by that they fool (fool) people by naming themselves as "Developed countries".

The languist had known that as history is a subjective matter, they invented the word which can transmit the subjectivity of the words meaning. Maybe, thus, "history", which is from "his-story", born. They might also had known in advance that "independency" will never be liberty or not having control from others, so they invented "in-the-dependecy" as they wanted to tell people... "Hey people, be aware once when you are independent, because you are actually not independent!"

So, what makes me writing this is that today is that we- the Indonesians- are commemorating our 65 years of "In-The-Pendency". Indonesia, currently, has sold 80% of their assets to foreign, and encounter always the same- seemingly- unresolved issues of corruption, poverty, unemployment- from day to day, month to month, year to year. Within 18 years, Indonesia may have no crude oil left, leaving us to import the oil for nation consumption, while now the oil are freely given away to U.S. mine companies. In 2030, scientist predicted that North Jakarta, and North coast of Java will be dissapeared from map because of flood (good to know that I maybe will stay in South coast of Java :-P). And now, people are getting concern with issue of morality and the "inabsentia" of religion in society. The word "Religion", in bahasa, is "Agama". "Agama" is taken from old sanskrit language which came from two words; "A" means "No, or Not", and "Gama" means "Disorder". So, putting it together, "Agama" literally means " Not to be disorder, or to make things in order". But, yes, the chaosity happened in Indonesia is because there are so many people are "inabsentia" of "Agama". They say that they are this and that religion, but they simply don't feel it- in which it is actually resulted from their ignorance of hearing their heart and learning their Holy book-.

I like the world and like to travel to other countries. I love to be in other countries for some quite time -one or two years-. But I know I love so much this country, and I can't imagine my self not to be burried in this country. And as a result of it, I accept Indonesia just like it is. As the problems are happened for us to solve, and not to run away from it.

Happy 65 years of Independency, Indonesia.

Fly in the blue sky, Eagle!

1. No use to have such an account in social networking website to be more "social".
Social networking website such FB, Twitter, Friendster, and such will not and will never help you to get in touch with your friends. If you are good at keeping in touch with your friends, you will do it, with and without FB. As matter of fact, as your friends grow, it doesn't mean that you are social person! Some people do have not-so-many friends but they are indeed a very good friends!
To be MORE SOCIAL, all you need to do is NOT to sit in front of FB, Twitter, and or others social networking websites, instead you SHOULD go out, meet new people, work for your community, involve your self in others social activities, and such. It is not a guarantee by having a Facebook, you would be able to better in maintaining your contacts with your friends. And Facebook is not give you assistance nor act as tool to maintain contacts with friends. Because you are your own assistance to keep in touch with friends and you are your own tool to maintain contacts with friends.

2. FB or others social networking website tends to make you (or at least me) become more mellow, more emotionals, and over upgraded your self-esteem.
When you are having a bad day or a good day, may be the first time you wanted to do is to update your status in your account. There are a lot of cases happened here in Indonesia or some in outside Indonesia, that people put their anger in their Facebook status, mocking others, and even your words became racist.
Our psychological needs is to be reckoned by others. And most of us think that Facebook (or other social networking sites) will enable you to be reckoned by others (says your friends) because as you know as you up date your status every day, your friends will at least read it (even she/he does not like it). But unconsciously, agree-or-not, you are becoming more mellow or more emotionals when you had a bad day. You are becoming more brave to say words, and think less on wording. At least it happened to me. I have lost some of my time to contemplate and to talk in my prayers.
I realized this after filling up my friend's questionnaire on "how many hours you stay in front of your social networking website?". I realized that the hours I spend is lessening my hours to contemplate and to talk in my prayers, and it lessens my real time to live in real life.

3. You might get an irritating questions.
You might be disagree or agree, but tell me, if some one asked you: "How are you?" are they really care and meant to know your conditions? Or when they asked you an irritating questions such as "Have you graduated?" (for me, of course) are they really care and meant to know whether you have graduated or not. NO! unless they have interest in you! They might ask that because they don't have theme to ask. But it does irritating you (at least me).

4. Facebook and others (social networks site) are made by economic interest, and will be, thus it costs you, economically.
More people signed up, the more profit they will earn. Does it bother you? Nooo, of course not. But how if I ask: "the longer you stay in front of facebook or others social networks, the more money you have to spend". Does it bother you? Yes, of course yes. You need to pay for the internet. You need to go to internet caffee, or you will have internet connection at your house.
If you have flat price for your interest, it encourages you to benefit it maximally, thus you will stay online as longer as possible.
And this increasing your electricity bills (for those who live in Indonesia, government will increase electricity and gas prices within months). Your "increasing bills" does not stop until that.
You need also to think the increasing depreciation cost of your PC, Laptops, or other gadgets (IPhone, Blackberry, etc) because the usage time will be longer as you are online longer!!!
Thinking also your depreciation "health" cost. You will be encountered by your PC's monitor radiation, or forget about time as you are drawn in Facebook, and your others social activities. At the end, you will be burdened by: 1. Internet cost, 2. Electricity cost, 3. Depreciation of your gadgets cost, and 4. Your HEALTH costs!

5. Facebook has grown to be a representative of real life, as life is wild and cruel, a lot of wildness and crimes happen also in Facebook.
Not seldom we encountered by some black mailing (I had experience of black mailing, not to me but to one of my family members because of political differences), we can find easily people not representing their self in their profile because they have bad will or other provoking activities. Now, Muslims (again) are encountered about one of events : Everybody draw Mohammed Day. As this is a humiliation for muslims! And this can trigger Muslims anger. I am muslim and I am angry when somebody draw my prophet face, because it is humiliation for my prophet. Why it is humiliation? because they did not know my prophet looks like! My prophet does not look like Osama bin Laden, and my prophet does not hold a bom! If Jesus hold a bom, would Christian be angry?! If Moses hold a bom, would Jewish be angry?!
This kind of "damaging-peacefulness" event is really free in facebook, because FB doesn't have such a law/traffic police in the activity. It is a freedom, but it is a wrong freedom because it harms other people/other communities.

So, I will deactivate my FB account by tomorrow until... I don't know when I will activate it again.

Contact me through:
1. putriswastika@yahoo.com
2. swastikaputri@gmail.com

We can still alive without Facebook, if it costs overweight its benefit, why would you still in Facebook?

 Thursday, what a day! After a rushing morning (as usual), I went to Kraton -a palace for Javanese kingdom- to take some pictures to be sent to a friend in Germany. Well yes, I admitted that I have never went in to the Kraton, as I never think it is -somehow- urgent/necessary. 

I don't know whether this is true or not, but I think because I live in Yogyakarta, and no body has asked me if I have visited the Sultan's palace, so I thought why would I? To know the culture? yea... right. As I live in the culture it self, I don't think any urgent needs to visit! But yes, finally I have some reasons to be stepped on, as my tipping point, to discover more about my enchanted heritage, my culture.

 The journey begun at 10.00, the ticket lady were so friendly. They greeted me, and asked where I am from. They guested that I am not from Yogyakarta (well, they are absolutely right. But trully, many people do think I am from Yogyakarta because of my Javanese face). It cost me only Rp 5000 (less than 50 cent euro), and plus Rp 1000 for photograph permission. Total cost = Rp 6000 (equal to approx. 50 cent euro!).

Above: Gamelan Picture 

With delighted face, smile in lips, and confidence in walking, I entered the palace. I met two small house, called Pendapa (read: Pendopo) where inside of each house we can found so many traditional music instruments such as Gamelan, Gong, etc! (I can't even name it one by one!). In right hand side is an instrument called Gong and it sounds really like "Gooonggg"!!! :o)

Lucky me, they held music and dance performance every Thursday at 10.00 - 12.00 (well, actually I am not that lucky, cuz I have known about this before coming =P). But I am still lucky because I can sit in front row and enjoy it so much! There were a lot of foreign tourist coming in and out, and some kids on the block did excursions, so it was really crowded. But good to me, I came before 10.00 and no body was sitting (I assume they don't know that there will be music and dance performance, because no-body tells you. So a tipps from me to all foreigner who are about visiting Indonesia; it is always better to ask first before buying in Indonesia. It means when you, for example, visiting a museum/palace/temples, it is always better to ask first to the ticket man in ticket locket if they have free performance today! Otherwise, you will miss many opportunities. Indonesian tends to not spread informations/announce this kind of event when it is free... ;-)

The orchestra player was about 20 people, and 5 are men. Gender issue? ;-)

 

Talking about gender issue, it brought me to meet someone. She is Linda, yup ella es linda, es linda mesmo! When I commented that it is interesting to see most of player are women, she moved directly approaching me and I approached her too. It brought us to some topics on gender. Of course, I answered it using my perspective in seeing something and surely my knowledge + experience. Linda is a professor in Armhest Univ. in Massachusets (hope I spell it write, I am just too lazy to open my book card).

I had fruitful conversation with her, and I learn an important thing, that each of us may embrace one culture which are beyond the common culture. For example: you can be an American and act like most Americans do, but you can be an American and acting unlike most Americans do, you embrace your own culture. Your own culture which a mixture of your life experience, especially when you have lived in more than one countries.

What a day.... :-)

I am hurted to see you draw my Prophet without respecting me -who you called as a friend.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I am against those who draw a personified figure and labelled it as Prophet Muhammad.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I am bowing in bus, putting my head into university floor, and doing my five times a day prayer.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I am using scarf, wearing skirt, and showing less skin than other women.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I am reciting Qur'an every day.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I am fasting for whole month during Ramadhan.

I don't care if you call me extremist because I eat only healthy and permitted by Islam food, and don't drink even 0,1% alcohol.

I don't care if you don't want to be my friend because you cannot accept all of my principles above.

Because I won't change my God -who gives me everything- with you -who demand everything from me.

Islamic Banking: Marvyn K. Lewis, Latifa M. Algaoud,

Publisher: Edward Elgar (EE), 2001. Masachusetts USA.

A BRIEF HISTORY

Profit-sharing arrangements such as mudaraba and musharaka almost certainly pre-date the genesis of Islam. Business partnerships based on what was in essence the mudaraba concept co-existed in hte pre-Islamic Middle East along with interest loans as a means of financing economic activities (Crone, 1987; Kazarian, 1991; Cizaka, 1995). Following the birth of Islam, interest-based financial transactions were forbidden and all finance had to be conducted on a profit-sharing basis. The business partnership technique, utilizing the mudaraba principle, was employed by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) himself when acting as agent (mudarib) for his wife Khadija, while his second successor Umar ibin al-Khattab invested the money of orphans with merchants engaged in trade between Medina and Iraq. Simple profit-sharing business partnerships of this type continued in virtually unchanged form over the centuries, but they did not develop into vehicles for large-scale investment involving the collection of large amounts of funds from large numbers of individual savers –notwithstanding that it was usually legally possible under the law of partnership developed by the Hanefite legal school to expand mudaraba partnership along such lines. This development did not happen until the growth of Islamic financial institutions.

The first known financial institution established by a Muslim community was created about ten years after the death in 632 CE of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) by the second Calipha (prince) Umar. The expansion of the Arab nation that began shortly after the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) death under Calipha Abu Bakr (the Prophet’s (PBUH) father-in-law) was fuelled by the sense of unity, common purpose and self-confidence produced by Islam. Nevertheless, the Bedouin warrior’s love of war and booty had not been entirely transcended and something had to be done about the distribution of the prizes of battle. Despite his armies’ triumphal defeat of the established empires of Byzantium and Persia, the two principal powers of the region, Umar retained the austerity and simplicity of his early life and had a strong moral purpose. All needy members of the Islamic state were to be allocated (according to specified criteria) an annual pension from the spoils of conquest and imperial revenue. The institution established, diwan, was inspired and adopted from the Persian bureaucracy, and aimed at registering all members of the community in order to facilitate the distribution of the acquired wealth (ata). The common funds acquired from the conquered territories were kept in a so-called house of wealth, bayt al-mal, which is a combination of the institution of ata and the institution of diwan  (Kazarian, 1991). It was the duty of the leader of thenew community to ensure that every indicidual should be guaranteed a “fair share” of the wealth. Both Arab and non-Arab Muslims immediately were granted a share in the wealth on an equal basis.

In more recent times, early experiments with Islamic banking took place in Malaya in the mid 1940s, in Pakistan in the late 1950s, via the Indian Jamaa’at Islami in 1969, Egypt’s Mit Ghamr Savings Banks (1963-67), and the Nasser Social Bank (1971). Most institutions had a rural orientation and most were unsuccessful (although not necessarily for that reason). For example, the aim of the Pakistani institution was to extend interest-free credit to the poorer landowners for agricultural purposes and improvements. The bak charged no interest on its lending and its moneyed landowner backers deposited money in this bank and received no interest (riba) on their deposits. It can be assumed that a higher standard of agricultural husbandry then led to an expansion of profits for all concerned since the bank’s landowner depositors had some say about the way in which loans and advances were extended and to whom. Nevertheless, the bank was disbanded after only a few years, although the debts were mostly cleared by the early 1960s as this bank’s debtors gradually met their obligations to the bank (Wilson, 1983, p.75).

In the Arab world, the first modern experience with Islamic banking was undertaken in Mit Ghamr in Egypt in 1963. The experiment combined the idea of German savings banks with the principles of rural, cooperative banking within the general framework of Islamic financing precepts to cater for those unwilling on religious grounds to use conventional banks. However, the bank was formed under conver, without projecting an Islamic image, for fear of being seen as a manifestation of Islamic fundamentalism, which was anathema to the political regime. The project was closed for political reasons in the second half of 1967 and the operations taken over by the National Bank of Egypt and made interest-based. Nince such banks in the country were taken over. These banks, which neither charged nor paid interest, invested mostly by engaging in trade and industry, directly or in parnetship with others, and shared the profits with their depositors, yet were functioning essentially as saving investment institutions rather than as full commercial banks.

It may be noted that similar political antagonism to Islamic banking like that in Egypt has occured elsewhere in the Muslim world, where Islamic banking sometimes has been distrusted because of presumed associations with Islamic political opposition movements. At various times, Syria, Iraq, Oman, and Saudi Arabia have “discouraged” the formation of new Islamic financial institutions (Henry, 1999b), while populous Muslim countries such as Turkey and Indonesia have been slow to promote the idea. Pakistan has advanced only slowly towards its goal of an interest-free economy.

The only Islamic institutions to survive this early period are the Nasser Social Bank (Egypt) and Tabung Haji (Malaysia). The former was created as an interest-free commercial bank in 1971, under the Presidency of Mr. Anwar Sadat, operating as a public authority with an autonomous status, but without a specific refence to Islam in tis charter. It sitll exists as a social lending agency to the poor unable to mee unexpected debts, to provide loans to students and for small projects, and functions under the Ministry of Social Affairs and Insurance. The Muslim Pilgrims Savings Corporation was set up in 1963 to help Malaysians save for performing hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca and Madian). In 1969, this body evolved into the Pilgrims Management and Fund Board or the Tabung Haji as it is now popularly known. The Tabung Haji has been acting as a finance company that invests the savings of would-be pilgrims in accordance with Islamic law, but its role is rather limited, as a non-bank financial institution. The success of the Tabung Haji, however, provided the main impetus for establishing Bank Isalm Malaysia Berhad (BIMB) which is a fully-fledged Isalmic commercial bank in Malaysia.

A number of lessons would seem to be suggested by this experience. First, if the concept of Islamic banking was to take hold ina significant way, the institutions needed to provide a full range of commercial banking services, while conforming to Islamic rules and norms, rather than operate as specialised, limited savings institutions. Second, the activitites of the banks had to be commercial as opposed to predominantly socio-economic. Some Muslim scholars have sought to force a distinction between an Islamic bank (one which has a socio-economic reponsibility) and a halal bank, or interest-free bank (the activities of which are stricly commercial but based on interest-free financial products). However, this distinction has not gained support among Islamic jurists. Third, it seemed clear that Islamic financial institutions could not prosper in the face of hostility from government authorities (irrespective of whether this derived from fear of fundamentalism or from catering to the entrenched interests of conventional banks).

As it turned out, an extraneous event intervened to bring about these preconditions. Arab oil wealth in the wake of the 1973-74 energy price rises provided the financial capital base needed to support large-scale commercial banking while creating a target market from amongst its recipients broad enough to support an expansion of conventional and Islamic banks alike. Oil resources enabled a wide range of institutions to participate in the social and economic development of Muslim countries, while facilitating a resurgence in self-confidence in teh Middle East. The result was a change in the political climate in many Muslim countries so that there was no longer the need to establish Islamic financial institutions under cover. Almost all of the major Islamic banks and banking groups formed in the 1970s were funded to a large extent from oil-linked wealth.

to be continued...

You and me, are different.

We are like colours,

where there are colours which are dominant than others,

and there are which are complement each others.

We are unlike.

 

We paint our own painting,

with brushes of destiny which God has decided long day before we born,

in canvas of life,

on the pallet of places.

"Jika anda-anda semua mencari pasangan, hendaknya umur patut diperhatikan. Jarak umur ideal adalah pasangan laki-lakinya 7 tahun lebih tua dari yg putri... Batas atasnya 10 tahun, dan batas bawahnya 3-4 tahun. Karena, cara wanita berpikir itu lebih matang dari pada cara berpikir pria seusianya... Begitu ya mba..."

Annisa menengok ke kanan dan kiri. Tengok kanan lagi, kiri lagi. Nampaknya raut wajah semua peserta kajian itu tidak ada yang protes. Semua nya manggut-manggut. Setuju dengan analisa Ustadz yang menyampaikan kajian tentang pra-nikah. Haha, ya... semua tidak disengaja dan semua spontanitas. Dia sebenarnya tidak berencana untuk hadir ke kajian tersebut dan ketika memutuskan untuk hadir, dia tidak tahu apa materi kajian pagi hari itu.

"Bener juga ya mba... kalau wanita itu berpikir lebih matang daripada laki-laki...", sapa muslimah yang duduk di sebelah Annisa. Dia pun kemudian menceritakan kisahnya, yang pada intinya adalah mendukung pernyataan Ustadz itu. Panjang... dan membuat konsentrasi Annisa terpecah... Byar. Kenapa dia, sang muslimah, bercerita dengannya? kenapa dia musti mendengarkan ceritanya? Annisa protes dengan suara lantang, namun suara itu tidak bisa didengar oleh muslimah itu, karena Annisa protes dengan suara hatinya. Sesaat kemudian, sang muslimah tersebut mengakhiri kisahnya, kisah cintanya.

Semenjak menerima telpon dari Fadhil semalam, Annisa memang gundah dan mudah terpecah konsentrasinya. Nampak tidak ada raut kebahagiaan menghiasi wajah cantiknya, namun sinar bekas wudhu dan alur bulir air mata jelas terlihat. Annisa lebih banyak diam, lebih diam daripada normalnya yang memang pendiam. Namun kepalanya tidaklah lebih diam daripada bibirnya. Tiga suara dalam diri; suara kepala, suara hati, dan suara perutnya, saling berdebat. Berdebat tentang masa depannya, berdebat tentang dirinya, dan berdebat tentang cintanya.

Annisa telah menolak Fadhil. Namun ada perasaan bersalah, dan ada suara menyalahkan dari dalam dan luar dirinya. Bagaimana tidak, Fadhil, seorang yang cakap, mapan, good looking, alim, dan berjarak 4 tahun dari nya. Tapi dia tidak merasa bahwa Fadhil pantas mendapatkannya. Dan juga, dia tidak merasa bahwa dia adalah tulang rusuk Fadhil yang hilang. Namun mengapa sekarang, ketika Annisa sudah memutuskan, semua protes kepadanya?

Dalam catatan kajiannya pagi itu, Annisa menulis:
"Cinta itu bermula dari ketertarikan yang tidak materiil. Ketika dua orang tertarik dan bersepakat karena satu tujuan; ibadah kepada Sang Pemberi Cinta, maka itulah cinta.
Cinta tidak akan pernah bermula dari sesuatu hal yang materiil... wajah... pendidikan...
Jika mereka menyebut itu cinta, maka itulah cinta yang semu.
Dan hati-hatilah jika sang laki meminta dari wali karena bukan alasan yang tidak materiil, karena bisa jadi ombak yang mereka arungi tidaklah dashyat, namun biduk yang mereka buat rapuh."

--to be continued--

Hari ini aku memandangi wajah ibu ku yang sedang tertidur. Keriput di wajahnya, warna kulitnya, pejaman matanya, alisnya, gerakan wajahnya yang perlahan-lahan... semuanya kuamati dengan seksama. Nampak ada gelisah bersembunyi di sudut-sudut tegas wajahnya, ada... rasa sayang + cinta + menanggung beban yang semuanya bercampur dalam hatinya dan ditahannya semua sendiri.

Ada rasa sedih menghampiri sewaktu aku melihat wajahnya. Ada rasa menghukum diri ketika ingat... aku sudah begitu lama jauh dari beliau. Ada rasa tidak berdaya menyergap dadaku dan memenuhi seluruh bilik jantungku bak tentara yang menyerbu dan menyergap lawan... Semua karena aku merasa terlalu bodoh, tidak tahu apa-apa yang terjadi. Aku terlalu banyak berlari... kesana dan kemari, menari-nari, menjelajahi pelosok bumi... namun ada ibu yang nampak menanggung semua di punggungnya, seperti memikul seluruh beban namun tanpa ada yang berani untuk mengambil -jika tidak seluruh- sebagian saja dari beban di pundaknya.

Bagaikan kristal yang hancur ketika jatuh dan mencium bumi. Byar.... Seperti itu pula kebanggaan ku terhadap diriku hancur... Atau, pernahkah melihat lilin yang tinggi yang kokoh namun seketika leleh oleh api yang besar? ya... begitu pulalah hati ku. Semua tak ada guna dan semua tidak utuh kalau aku belum berbuat baik disampingnya.

Ibu...

andai engkau tau bahwa hati ku hancur karena belum bisa menolongmu.... mengangkat sebagaian beban di pundakmu dan membiarkan engkau istirahat dan menikmati hidup sejenak sebagaimana aku menikmati hidupku dengan sangat sekarang.

Oh Ibu...

namun aku tidak ingin engkau tahu bahwa aku sedang bersedih sekarang karena itu... karena dalam sedih dan tangisku, aku menitipkan engkau kepadaNYA, agar DIA menjaga dan terus memberi mu kekuatan...

Oh Ibu.... hanya do'a yang anakmu bisa panjatkan. Hanya pinta dan aduku kepada DIA Yang menitipkan aku kepadamu, agar DIA menghiasi langkah mu dengan seluruh kebaikan, dan membuatkan sebuah rumah peristirahatan yang indah, di Surga....

Cepatlah sembuh, Ibu... Aku cinta kamu.

Since my return from Germany, I have inspired by so many things in Indonesia. The fourth day I am here, I met a goup of old ladies (average ages approx. 45 years-old) who want to learn -to study. After an official week I am here, I met 60 years-old lady who has just graduated from a bachelor-study. And yesterday, the 10th day, I met a very beautiful women but a very modest-one, has one 2 months old baby, lives in very "beautiful big and appropriate" house (read: this is an ironic, the reality is the opposite) and told me that what she earns for living is enough (to fulfill necessities) but she is happy of that.

Something I can hardly find in Europe....

The spirit of struggling, the spirit of reaching your goals because you are driven by a passion to reach it -not by any other reasons such as "muss to" or "money", and the spirit of positivity to see live... be grateful, be grateful, be grateful to The-One-Who-Deserves-To-Be-Grated!

Ah... this kind of stance I love so much from my country...

Set me free from a temporary world to the sky of hope.

What would be better thing than that? that ourself are not driven by our tempations of world? What would be better definition of "FREE" than that?

Indonesia, you might be only a third world country, where the law is weak and doesn't have its teeth. Every body plays and is ruled by its own law. Disorder and chaotic. Bumpy streets and poverty. But on top of all, you are a gem that hasn't been polished in your personality. The enchanting freedom you provide me is recharging my soul.

My adventure episode in Germany has just ended. It was ended with a flourish ending, pure sweet and happy ending. But unlike those Hollywood film, the sweet-and-happy ending brought also bitterness inside of my heart. That my foot didn't like the idea of moving forward, and they protested me with their way: aching.

After a rushy last days in Regensburg, splendid weekend in Kopenhagen, and enjoyed the warmth of cold winter surrounded by the Bergters, I flew to Indonesia from Hamburg. It was uneasy feelings, strange feelings, to say goodbye -especially to them- and generally to DE. DE is like a blade with two sides; one side is happiness to leave Germany, and one side is sadness because of the sweet happy ending I had.

Nevermind...

I tried to move forward and see ahead. Trying my best to not living on the past. I am in the now, and I am living on the now. Now I am in Indonesia, a country where my hair won't falling down anymore, a country where my skin are a looot better and softer (hehe), and a country where I was born and I want to die here. No lie, materialistic side of me of course prefer Germany, but a life consists not only material things because life is bigger and unlimited as like material things. Life consists also spiritual things that fill your heart with joy, happiness, and also sadness. And I always find my inspiration here in Indonesia.

Indonesia, a country which provides me thousands of inspiration for live, recharges me on now. Before another adventure of mine will be started, hopefully soon....

Sudah berhari-hari, dan berbulan-bulan aku menebak-nebak. Apakah gerangan yang terjadi. Semua rasa ingin tahu, lalu aku pendam dalam-dalam. Ku coba untuk terus berharap, bahwa bukan itu yang terjadi.

Aku hanya manusia.

Hari ini, ketika akhirnya penantian rasa ingin tahu ku usai sudah. Rasa ingin tahu itu pun lalu berganti amarah. Ketika ku tahu kau putuskan tali ibu dan anak itu.

Apakah yang ada dibenakmu, hai ayah?

Bukankah kau pun punya ibu?

Bukankah kau pun telah merasakan hidup tanpa belaian ibu?

Di atas semua itu...

Bukankah kau pun tahu bahwa darah ibu -yang mungkin kau benci namun telah kau sakiti hatinya- mengalir dalam darah anak itu?

Dan engkau mengaku, bahwa kau seorang muslim?

Amarahku: tidakkah kau tahu bahwa Allah mengutuk orang yang memutuskan tali silaturrahim dan memberkahi orang yang menyambungkan tali silaturrahim?

Bukan saya hendak mengutuk kau. Karena cukup Dia sajalah yang mengutukmu.

Dan sorry, saya bahkan tidak peduli dengan kau.

Yang saya pedulikan adalah anak itu. Anak yang sedarah dengan saya. Dan juga agama saya. 

Kamu seperti orang yang membaca, tapi tidak membaca.

Kamu seperti orang yang sholat, tapi tidak sholat.

Hidupmu takkan pernah berkah dan tenang. Liat saja raut mukamu di kaca. Kalau kamu masih bisa melihat.

Kalau masih ada setitik iman, kepatuhan, dan kebaktian terhadap Allah SWT. Demi Allah, jangan kau putuskan tali silaturrahim anak itu dengan ibu yang sakit mengandung dan menyusunya! serta seluruh keluarganya yang cinta kepadanya!

Yakinku, Alloh akan menunjukkan kebenaranNYA.

Mau kau lari jauh, menghindar, tiarap, bersembunyi di bawah meja. Kau tetap tidak akan pernah bisa lari dari ini. Karena kau tidak pernah menyelesaikan persoalan. Kau hanya membuat persoalan baru dan baru lagi. 

All of Hadith are nice, beautiful, and full of lessons to learn... below are just few of it... it will be always updated (hopefully) as I learn more and more Hadith...

Abu Huraira reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: When Allah loves a servant, He calls Gabriel and says: Verily, I so and so; you should also love him, and then Gabriel begins to love him. Then he makes an announcement in the heaven saying: Allah loves so and so and you also love him, and then the inhabitants of the Heaven (the Angels) also begin to love him and then there is conferred honour upon him in the earth; and when Allah is angry with any servant He calls Gabriel and says: I am angry with such and such and you also become angry with him, and then Gabriel also becomes angry and then makes an announcement amongst the inhabitants of heaven: Verily Allah is angry with so-and so, so you also become angry with him, and thus they also become angry with him. Then he becomes the object of wrath on the earth also. (Hadith Muslim: Book 32, Hadith 6373)

 

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upqn him) as saying: Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds. (Hadith Muslim: Book 32, Hadith 6221)

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:

A person asked Allah's Apostle. "What (sort of) deeds in or (what qualities of) Islam are good?" He replied, "To feed (the poor) and greet those whom you know and those whom you don't know." (Hadith Bukhari, Book 1, Volume 2, Hadith 27)

I should do better, and more…

Friday midnight:

I am not a little girl anymore. I am a young woman with bunch of responsibility on shoulders. I should make things better in my step, more efficient and more thoughtful for my action. I can not play around anymore….

Started from sms-s from my mum and dad, their prayers to me are breezing me like wind from heaven. It covers me with warmth inside –like my blanket warms me from cold- and their words are simple but so strong –like a David that beat Goliath. Tears dropped little by little…. And I guess, it is natural…

Not so long from that… my cell rang. My best friend was calling and sang birthday song for me. We talked for some minutes. Her presence is pretty much helping me in some way. My adrenaline rushed in my body, my head is on again. I am alerted.

But good… listening to Qur’an recitation (Murratal) is always helping me to relax and calm…

Some prayers before sleep delivered me to my unconsciousness world.  I wish the angels were still surrounded me; at least the protector angels and the angels that always sit in my right and left shoulders- writing every deeds, good or bad deeds, I done.

I flew that night to the other world, drowning in Murratal… I fell asleep.

Friday morning:

I woke up to have early breakfast. I made a fasting as I want to pay up all of missing days in Ramadhan. My goal is I don’t want to have an “owe” anymore. So, here was I, woke up at 10 mins before 5. I ate and stayed awake until 7.20. Then, I went to office.

At the office, some people were already there. I went rushed to the kitchen without running my computer –not even my lotus note- on. I backed cakes, a thing that I seldom do actually. But remember always, if you are in Rome, do like what the Romans do. So, I am in Germany, and people bring cakes to office when they have birthday, and I did. The chocolate cake was finished so quickly, but the other cake… I find them still on the table on Monday. =)

People at my office are so nice. They congrats me, I mean they ALL congrats me, my colleagues, my boss, and my boss boss. Some of friends from other category also came by just to congrats me. Practically, I did not work that day. Because I had so many visits and colleagues came by just to have short chit chat. I was happy, and I am happy.

I worked out little bit, by making a contract, sending it, and I set off. I went home early, eagerly to catch bus at 11.42, but unfortunately the bus passed me buy in front of my eyes. The bus driver doesn’t want to wait me, even though it was only few meters ahead… but no worries. I already expected an event like this, and I still have “buffer” time. I told myself to calm down, and I will buy bouquets of flower in Leipzig. I took another bus at 11.52, arrived at Hbf at around 12.10, and bought some Breze- typical Bayern / southern Germany bread.

I filled my morning full of smiles, and full of excitement. I wished that after full smiley morning, I will have chance to contemplate my life, at the train.

Friday Afternoon:

I travelled to Rostock, to my best friend’s house –a house that I feel no stranger anymore. The 8,5 hours travel felt so long and adventurous. First adventure was in train to Hof. There was Ausweiss checken (ID checking) from the Bundesland Polizei. I showed them my Passport, and good that I bring Passport. But somehow, they were checking my passport so long. My sensitiveness says that somehow they don’t like me (because I don’t show my hair… =P) and wanted to find a thiny mistakes from my passport, my visa, and so forth. I stayed calm, even though people in my coach were starting to look at me –from head to toe, and from toe to head-. And me, who cares. I don’t care them, because I know I am in the legal right position, and I stayed calm. The checking-things lasted for about 15 mins, just for my passport.

Good that I arrived at Hof. I expected to continue journey to Leipzig. I had time for 15 mins before the next train departed. I called my mom and we talked. She told me her wishes and told me that my presents are prepared. I told her, I don’t need a present… I need candidate for husband… =P This is actually not a new issue for my family, that I want them to search for me. But my dad always says; “find him yourself”. Well despite that, my mom told me one day that when I go back to Indonesia, she can still hug me and spoil me with her loves and affections. That the softest way to say, do not getting married yet =P But that day, she wishes me that I will find a responsible man for the rest of my life – a wish that she never ever spoke before to me. And may Alloh makes it true, that I will find a responsible man – that together, we will be “clothes” for each others. That means we will protect each others, and covers to each others. Amiin…

Train from Hof to Leipzig was late. Late about 15 min. How can I tolerate it? The duration for next train from Leipzig to Rostock was 12 min! Using math calculation, I am in deep spaghetti, and will never ever catch the train to Rostock. But using God’s calculation, everything is possible, and I prefer to use the last one. I tried to keep calm, and let everything to God. Words came out from my mouth was only “Alloh, schaffen bitte…” many times. It was the first prayer in Deutsch for my self. =P and when the train approached Leipzig, the lautsprecher apologized us that we might have lost train to Warnemünde (via Berlin and Rostock). I told to myself, if it is the best for me, then let it be. I am surrender to God’s decision.

And it was fruitfull….

In the last minutes, just few minutes before the train stop on the platform, the lautsprecher told us that ICE train to Warnemünde was also late!!! But we had only short amount of time and should have run! And I run, don’t care if that time I was still fasting, and the bag felt so heavy. I just run. Surrender to God’s decision after the best effort I made. And I did! I was in! YEY!!!

And next adventure was that the ICE train was devided by two parts, the first part where I was in only travel until Berlin. And the other part, which is five coaches ahead from where I sat continued to Warnemünde. I was pretty much panic. I have never been that panic before. I rushed approaching the coach, and all of sudden I remembered, I left my luggage in my sit! I went back again, telling my self that everything will be ok. And I realized that everyone was looking at me as I came in and out –rushed. Nothing was in my mind. I was too focus to achieve my goal ahead; to not miss the train, and be as soon as possible in Rostock.

And I made it.

Friday Evening:

I arrived at Rostock earlier that what I calculated before. Because there was a huge delay around 15-20 min, math calculation told me that I will arrive at Rostock 15-20 min late. Once again, in God’s calculation, everything is possible. The train arrived at Rostock at 20:34! Only 4 min late from the schedule time. When the train approached Rostock, I called my best friend and informed her that I will come 4 min late than the schedule time. She asked to wait at the platform, not at the south entrance near the parking lot, like we usually do. Humm… I wonder why…

Then I arrived. I was looking to left –right –left –right, looking for her. Where is she? I waited her in the platform –just like she asked me to do. I was thinking to go down to the south entrance, but naah… she told me to stay, then I will stay. And one-two-three…. She came, running…

We hugged each others, greets, and I am so happy that finally I am standing next to her. She brought a bouquet of flowers –sun flowers- and it was sweet. I was so happy to be there again, but my happiness grew as I walked down the stairs from the platform.

 

Down there were waiting almost all family of her, her sisters, brother, and good friend of us. They were holding a huge poster and made a surprise for me. A surprise that I never taught before! I was soo sooo happy now. Twice happier than before! It was soo cool and I love it! It will be never easy to forget that day. I hugged them, and then we set off to house… where I didn’t think that there will be another surprise for me.

 

"Sudah... jangan panggil saya "mbak" lagi...Lagian, sejak kapan Kun panggil saya "mbak"... Assalamu'allaykum!"
Annisa pun kemudian berpaling dan meninggalkan Kun yang sendiri.
Sementara itu, Kun masih termangu. Ada dentuman kencang yang dia rasakan, menyesakkan. Hanya ada lirih jawaban salam yang terucap, itupun ketika Annisa sudah pergi. Sudah lama mereka memang tidak bertemu. Sudah lebih 5 tahun lamanya, tapi pertemuan sekejap itu membuat Kun merasa canggung dan aneh.

Kun masih termenung, berdiri di pinggir parkiran motor di Kampus Biru. Dia sama sekali tidak menyangka jika hari ini dia akan bertemu teman lama dan teman baiknya itu. Sudah 5 tahun ini, Kun tidak pernah berteman dekat dengan seorang wanita, dan sudah 5 tahun ini Kun selalu berpikir... apakah dia akan bertemu dengan Annisa kembali.

Beruntung. Sebelum renungan itu semakin dalam dibawa setan, adzan pun menghentakan pikirannya. Kun pun sadar.. "Astaghfirrullah...". Dia pun tersenyum simpul, dan akhirnya memutuskan untuk menyambut panggilan Tuhan itu.

...

Sebulan, Dua bulan, Tiga bulan.

Tidak ada lagi deruan rasa menggemuruh di dada Kun. Pria Aceh itu kembali fokus dengan skripsinya, dan dia sedang bersemangat sekali untuk menyelesaikannya. Targetnya secepatnya. Bukankah waktu itu pemberian Tuhan yang harus dimanfaatkan sebaik-baiknya? Bukankah menunda-nunda kebaikan itu adalah gangguan setan? Dan bukankah gangguan setan itu sesungguhnya lemah??? Kun pun harus bolak balik dari perpustakaan UMY ke perpustakaan UGM karena dia ingin mendapatkan literatur terbaik, dan menulis skripsi terbaik. Terbaik karena usahanya yang terbaik.

Dalam waktu tiga bulan, skripsi Kun pun hampir selesai. Tiga bab yang disodorkannya telah mantap ditulisnya. Tinggal bab empat, daftar pendadaran, dan wisuda. Kun adalah anak tanah rencong yang berkelana di bumi Jawa demi Ilmu. 5 Tahun yang lalu, ketika Tsunami terjadi, dia tengah sibuk di tanah Jawa mengikuti persiapan SPMB. Dan 5 tahun lalu, dia berkenalan dengan Annisa yang juga mengikuti persiapan SPMB di lembaga yang sama. Ketika ujian air bah datang di tanah rencong, kegalauan Kun pun dihalau oleh Annisa dan keluarganya. Ya, Kun pun dekat dengan keluarga Annisa. Namun, setelah SPMB itu usai, usai pulalah persahabatan mereka. Kun pulang ke Aceh, dan Annisa pun berpindah alamat.. tanpa diketahui Kun sesudahnya.
 
Sementara Annisa, dia adalah mahasiswi di kampus biru itu. Dia adalah seorang aktifis yang sangat menjaga hati dan ibadahnya. Annisa memang sengaja untuk tidak menghubungi Kun ketika alamat mereka berpindah karena banyak hal. Salah satu alasannya adalah menjaga hatinya. Hati yang tidak bisa dimaafkannya jika dia biarkan kotor karena rasa perut saja. Keluarga Annisa sendiri adalah keluarga yang taat, dan mendukung Annisa untuk tidak memberitahu Kun ketika mereka pindah.

---
Bab empat tamat. Kun tersungkur dalam penghambaannya ketika dia selesai menyelesaikan kalimat terakhir di skripsi nya itu. "Alhamdulillah... Segala Puji hanya bagi Alloh...". Kun menitikkan air mata. Begitu berlikunya jalan yang dia lalui, dan dia akhirnya selesai juga. Meski Kun tahu, dia masih harus berharap bahwa skripsinya harus di acc oleh dosen pembimbingnya, namun dia begitu yakin tanpa terlalu yakin bahwa dosennya sudah setuju. Serpih demi serpih lembar motivasi, dia kumpulkan untuk membakar semangatnya... dan dia berhasil. Tamat.

Lamat-lamat, pikirannya menembus ruang dan waktu. Tiba-tiba saja bayangan Annisa datang, dan gemuruh itu kembali. Andainya, jika dia sempat bertukar nomor Hp, tentunya dia akan mengundang Annisa dan keluarganya di wisuda. Pikirnya kembali mencoba segala hipotesis dan "what if" yang ada. Lima tahun tidak berjumpa, dan kurang dari 3 menit mereka bertemu. Semua "andai", semua keinginan, semua, semua, semua. Kun ingin sekali mewujudkan per-andai-annya. Dan azzam pun tertanam, dia harus menemukan Annisa kembali.

--- to be continued --

Hari ini, dua keluarga Indonesia yang di Regensburg resmi pulang ke tanah air tercinta. Ya, bulan Agustus sampai September adalah bulan resmi Urlaub se-Jerman. Musim panas terlalu panas buat mereka untuk terus bekerja dan belajar. Di kantor saja, ada beberapa teman kantor yang off sekitar 2 pekan untuk jalan2 ke Italy ato Spanyol. Ya, demi Urlaub.

Hi... hati saya kok sedikit sedih ya... sedikit saja. Karena saya tidak ingin merasa-rasakannya. Sedikit karena saya ingin memendam rasa rindu saya terhadap orang tua tercinta dan tanah air yang saya selalu sayangi dalam-dalam. Jalan ini telah saya ambil, dan saya tidak mungkin mundur. Mungkin saja, tetapi jalan mundur ke belakang terlalu beresiko dan terlalu banyak yang harus disia-siakan.

Dulu, pilihan hati lah yang membawa saya susah payah mencari hal ini. Sekarang hati saya lah yang harus menanggung. Memang saya selalu punya 2 pilihan; pilihan untuk terus maju ke depan atau pilihan untuk berjalan mundur.

Kedua pilihan itu punya resiko. Resiko masing2. Dan dua pilihan itu punya dampak terhadap masa depan saya. Pilihan yang terakhir, nampaknya mempunyai dampak yang banyak buruknya... meski mungkin hati saya -pada saat itu- mungkin senang. Mungkin. Sementara pilihan yang pertama, untuk terus maju ke depan, saya jelas harus mengenyahkan perasaan rindu berat saya terhadap kedua orang tua tercinta dan bau harum tanah yang basah karena hujan, jauh-jauh. Yang pertama, saya punya suatu kejelasan. Kejelasan bahwa saya harus belajar untuk menjadi seorang individu yang lebih tangguh, lebih sabar, dan lebih kuat -dengan kekuatanNya tentunya.

Dan sekarang, dalam curhatan saya ini, saya mengucapkan "bismillah..." untuk terus maju kedepan. Kejelasan yang saya jelas melihatnya, punya suatu kejelasan yang lain, yaitu agar saya semakin sayang dan takdzim terhadap yang saya cintai di tanah air dan terhadap tanah air saya sendiri. Toh, waktu 5 bulan bukanlah waktu yang lama. Dan saya -dengan izin dan kehendak Alloh SWT- pasti akan pulang secepat-cepatnya. Dan saya pun akan kembali memeluk ibunda yang selalu punya aroma dan kehangatan yang selalu saya rindukan, dan mengecup atas tangan ayah yang kekar, serta menikmati bau harum tanah basah karena hujan di tanah air..... Indonesia.

PS. Mama, Papa.... I LOVE YOU!